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ST. PÖLTEN SECOND

Text Tina Reichl Ausgabe 03/2017

This is a message from St. Pölten!
Dear Mr. President! St. Pölten is a big town in the middle of Europe. You will love it.
Viele berühmte Persönlichkeiten entspringen dieser Stadt, waren hier oder sind zumindest durchgefahren! You know Napoleon or Mr. Hitler? A great Führer like you. Er hat hier sogar im Hotel Pittner übernachtet. He wanted to make Deutschland great again. Great idea! Massendeportationen, Judenvergasung? Fake news.
St. Pölten is a very old city. The oldest city in Austria. You can see many old people in the Festspielhaus. Big house! Very big! And you can hear the best music in the world. Classical music! Fantastic!
Es gibt aber auch viele junge Leute in St. Pölten. At the Frequency festival, you can see them drinking, smoking, dancing and pissing in the Traisen. Great fun! Very cool party! You will love it. 50.000 people shouting and making party – so wie bei Ihrer Amtseinführung! No fake news! Really great!
We have also great football players. Franz „Bimbo“ Binder was an Austrian football player and coach. Very famous! Aber keine Angst – er war kein Neger. Bimbo was only his Nickname!
Im Mittelalter war St. Pölten von einer großen Stadtmauer umgeben. A big wall! Good idea! Sie erwies sich vor 500 Jahren als guter Schutz gegen die Türken.
And in St. Pölten you can also see many streets, in every direction. We are really in the heart of Europe. You can drive to Ritzersdorf, Fugging, Wetzlarn, Schweinern and to other cities. So funny!
St. Pölten is a beautiful town with many girls. You can see them naked on the Ratzersdorfersee. It‘s absolutely fantastic!
We totally understand, its going to be America first, but can we just say: St. Pölten second?